Categorized | Miscellany

Dolphins are actually jerks?

Posted on 25 September 2009 by k. a. gardner

Now that the thrill of Talk Like A Pirate Day has ebbed, we can continue on our deep-sea journey –  this time to the blog, Southern Fried Science. The blog doesn’t have much to do with Jacksonville, but it is authored by two  marine science graduates who love the ocean.

Since Jacksonville’s most eastern border is  the Atlantic Ocean, marine biology is a subject of interest to some. In fact, Jacksonville University is building it’s own Marine Science Research Institute. The completion date is scheduled for August 2010, which isn’t that far into the future in the grand scheme of things (about the time of Talk Like A Pirate Day 2010). The MSRI will be JU’s first “green building”  seeking Silver LEED Certification through the U.S. Green Building Council.

So anyway,  over at Southern Fried Science are those two marine biologists. One calls himself southernfriedscientist, but his name is actually Andrew.

Andrew is a graduate student in North Carolina studying deep sea biology. When not in the lab, he spends his time out on the water, usually swearing at his boat while simultaneously sacrificing some important tool to Poseidon in a desperate attempt to make the motor start. That is, assuming he can get his truck running long enough to actually put the boat in the water.

The other calls himself  WhySharksMatter, but his real name is  David.

David is a graduate student in South Carolina studying shark conservation. He is the author of the upcoming book “Why Sharks Matter: Using New Environmentalism to Show The Economic And Ecological Importance of Sharks, The Threats They Face, and How You Can Help”. His time is divided between educating the public about sharks, spending days at a time at sea playing with sharks, and eating horribly unhealthy foods.

Under what Southern Fried Science calls it’s The Best Marine Invertebrate Blog Posts is posted incredibly useful information, such as Malaria, Bedbugs, Sea Lice, and Sunsets: Can’t We All Just Get Along?The Other 95%: Man-Sized Sea Scorpion Fossil Found In Germany ;  or Echinoblog: Giant Green Brittle Stars of DEATH!! When they ATTACK–AGAIN! (this one might be useful  for TLAPD 2010).

dolphins are actually jerks?

Still drifting  along on our deep-sea journey, we find that WSM believes “Dolphins are actually jerks”.  This belief might be offensive to JU because its university’s mascot is a dolphin. He did, however, recieve the 2009 3 Quarks Daily science blogging prize, so JU should overlook the transgression. In the post, The ecological disaster that is dolphin-safe tuna, WSM makes the following observation (among many others):

Tuna is one of the world’s most economically important fisheries, directly employing tens of thousands and feeding millions. The main way that tuna is caught is through purse seines in the Eastern Tropical Pacific. Basically, after a large group of tuna is located, a miles-across purse seine net is closed around them via a group of small boats associated with a large factory ship.  It’s an effective way to catch large amounts of fish for not a lot of money.

WSM’s post explains [why WSM thinks dolphins are jerks]  some environmentalists  (such as Greenpeace)  mean well, but are not always helpful.  This is indicted by the title of the post, which includes the phrase ecological disaster”.

Mmmm ... Yellow Fin

Yellow Fin image courtesy of Sustainable Sushi

Many restaurants across the country,  even if they’re not solely dedicated to sushi,  serve  seared, rare Ahi [Yellow Fin] tuna.  I think it makes sense to catch as much tuna as possible. (Maybe Ahi wouldn’t be so pricey).

So WSM may be right – dolphins are actually jerks despite a long maritime tradition of respecting dolphins.

[ AVAST ME HEARTIES !! ]


(Hat Tip to Reuters blogger Felix Salmon, who despite all his blathering about economics, occasionally posts hilarious links, which is where I found  Southern Fried Science and associated blogs.

CORRECTION: Hat tip to commenter Doug for rightly pointing out the pink dolphin’s natural habitat. The dolphin shown is not a jerk.  According to Cryptomundo, which is where this image is courtesy of,  the dolphin is an Amazon River Dolphin (or Boto), Inia geoffrensis.


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14 Responses to “Dolphins are actually jerks?”

  1. Doug says:

    Not to be a dolphin about this, but that’s the freshwater variety in your photo.

  2. Quilly says:

    Okay, I’m not a jerk, but I am certainly dense. I read this twice and still can’t figure out why dolphins are jerks! I’ll be back. I have to go pick up MY oceanographer.

  3. Quilly says:

    I am back, having picked up my oceanographer from his UH office and drug him off to our favorite burger place for a fattening, unhealthy meal. I just finished reading the links to the DSM posts and I know understand where “dolphins are jerks” came from. I am wondering, has anyone asked the dolphins what they think of DSM?

    • k. a. gardner says:

      Quilly, I’m happy to know you and your UH oceanographer husband enjoyed your unhealthy burgers. I had to read your comment twice before I realized you meant WSM and not DSM.

      I’m sure most dolphins, with the exception of ones in a river, think WSM is a bigger jerk than they are.

  4. River dolphins are not jerks.

    If dolphins are smart enough to think I’m a jerk, I retract my objection to their existence. However, despite what a disturbing number of people falsely believe, dolphins are not that intelligent.

    Like most marine biologists, I am annoyed that dolphins, which aren’t endangered but are cute, are conserved at the expense of endangered but less cute animals.

    • k. a. gardner says:

      Hello David! I’m not sure how the UH Oceanography Dept. will feel about your objection to the existence of dolphins. But I do think Marine Land and Sea World will disagree.

  5. weirsdo says:

    That was an interesting article.
    Again, it always seems to me that the only truly effective solution would be fewer people, and I’m not volunteering. . . .

    • k. a. gardner says:

      Thank you very much, weirsdo. I’m glad you found reading Dolphins are actually jerks? interesting.

      But why would you volunteer to be fewer? How many less of you can there be?

  6. C.J. Duffy says:

    Less people and more Dolphins?
    Maybe.
    How about we all go Dolphin and grow fins.
    Having said that, I wouldn’t like a blow hole.

  7. k. a. gardner says:

    weirsdo: I suppose there could be one less of you.

    C. J. You already are a blow hole.

    Nessa: Hello, welcome to Marine World. We have cute, ugly and jerky fish here

  8. tsduff says:

    Hi Karen,

    I think the pink dolphin is cute – and how in the world did Doug find out that was a fresh water dolphin? He is such a landlubber cowboy ha ha ha…

    • k. a. gardner says:

      Hi Terry,

      Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I’ve been ignoring this Web site since Cowboy Doug found that jerky dolphin. He probably just Googled Imaged piranhas, keyword.


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